Can You Be Successful and Yet Unhappy?

Boryana often tells me I'm successful, but unable to enjoy life, or rest.

So I started asking myself the question: am I actually a happy person? And if I had to choose, what would I choose - happiness or success?

A few days ago, while driving, I listened to a conversation with Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor who studies happiness and leadership. These are his findings on happiness.

Happiness Is Not a Destination

It's also not a destination. There's no point where you arrive and say: "That's it, I'm happy now." We tell ourselves stories like: when I reach X, I'll relax or when I finish Y, I'll enjoy life. Then X and Y happen, and after a short high, we're back where we started.

You can't be happy. But you can become happier if you follow a few rules.

Happiness Is Not a Feeling

I always treated happiness as something you feel when things go well. Something that appears once problems are solved. And that's wrong.

Feelings don't last. If happiness depended on feeling good all the time, nobody would ever be happy. Life doesn't work like that.

Happy feelings are not happiness; they are evidence of happiness. Just as taste is the experience derived from consuming dinner, happy feelings are presented as evidence or symptoms of an underlying state of happiness, rather than the state itself. Happiness itself is the real phenomenon, and like the dinner, it can be defined as a combination of three "macronutrients," which you need in balance and abundance in your life: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.

1. Enjoyment

One important distinction Brooks makes is between pleasure and enjoyment.

Pleasure is easy. Food. Screens. Dopamine.

Enjoyment is richer. It usually involves other people - and it often turns into a memory.

A good coffee alone is pleasant. The same coffee with a friend, a long conversation, and something you'll remember later - that's enjoyment.

When I think about moments that actually mattered to me, they're rarely about comfort. They're about shared experiences. Conversations. Being fully present.

Pleasure fades quickly. Memories don't.

2. Satisfaction

This part is uncomfortable, but true: satisfaction requires struggle.

We like to think we want easy lives, but when everything is easy, life feels empty. There's no pride in things that cost you nothing. Satisfaction comes after effort - not before it.

There's also a brutal formula behind it. Satisfaction isn't only about what you have, but about how much you want. You can have more than ever and still feel dissatisfied if your desires keep growing.

As the Dalai Lama put it: happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want.

3. Meaning

Enjoyment and satisfaction help, but without meaning, everything feels temporary.

Meaning comes from a few things: your life makes sense to you, you know what you stand for, and your life matters beyond yourself.

Arthur Brooks suggests two uncomfortable questions: Why are you alive? What would you die for?

If you don't have answers, that's normal. Most people don't. But avoiding the questions doesn't help.

Meaning doesn't come from scrolling or productivity hacks. It comes from thinking seriously about values, about right and wrong, about what you refuse to compromise on. Good books help. Silence helps.

Happiness Is Contagious

One last thing, especially if you lead people: your emotional state leaks. Whether you want it or not.

We've all felt it - the boss walks in irritated, and suddenly the whole room feels heavy. Nothing was said, but everything changed.

Leadership isn't only about actions. It's also about controlling your thoughts. If you don't, they end up controlling everyone else.

Happiness spreads. Negativity spreads faster.

Where This Leaves Me

I don't have a neat conclusion.

I still work too much. I still struggle to rest. I still confuse progress with fulfillment more often than I'd like.

But I'm more aware now that success alone doesn't guarantee happiness. Happiness isn't something you earn once and keep forever. It's something you maintain, adjust, and sometimes rebuild.

At least now, I'm asking better questions. And for now, that feels like progress.